Moving to Spokane? Tips to Maintain Your Sanity

Moving to Spokane?
Tips to Maintain Your Sanity


On the definitive list of high-stress activities, planning a move fits in somewhere between trying to avoid a grizzly bear attack in my Browns Addition neighborhood and preparing a gourmet meal for Gordon Ramsay in under thirty minutes. Okay, you got me Trebek, no fooling you, of course we don’t have bears in Browns. Though I once saw a couple Grizzlies’ kicking it in the backwoods to this city boy, the valley of Spokane.

My point is this; Moving is a demanding, stressful and inhumane process that requires a lot of time and energy. If you are like me you don't have much energy too spare. No way my sexy dad bod holds up if asked to perform what amounts to a lifetimes amount of exercise. I suggest you find laborers to literally do the heavy lifting to absorb some of the pain. You wouldn't chose to be waterboarded alone right? Warning: When asked to help you're so called friends will enviably conger up a lame excuse. The nerve! They should be MMAing each other for the opportunity you are giving them. Packing someone else's crap across town while throwing your back out is a fun way to spend ones free time. Sure the same way staying awake Clockwork Orange style through an entire children's __________ Would be "fun". (insert any unbearable event; Play Recital, Concert, Baseball Game etc.)

I will give you an example.

My best friend, I will call him Bob, asks me to tag along to his kids holiday concert. Apparently his wife is cheat ... working late. I agreed to go of course, but only because Bob agreed to sneak in enough of witches brew to numb the pain caused by what feels like a tragic albeit accurate exploitation of children inflicted with tone deafness and drunken parents. I went above and beyond prepping Bob for the big question. I offered ridiculously unbelievable compliments; Wow Bob your kid is "talented” I even agreed the unrecognizable version of Silent Night was breathtaking. Yep, you got a little Pavarotti there Bob, said with all the sincerity a pint of Bourbon could muster.

I finally slurred my request, I asked Bob to help me move. I threw in that he was the only truck owner I knew (or wanted too). He quickly shot back a blank stare accompanied by a long and awkward silence. So quiet I actually heard a pin drop. Which in retrospect, witnessing the phenomenon after hearing about it many times, was easily the high light of my night. Soon Bobs blank stare morphed into a cold sweat. You could hear Bobs brain churning out an excuse. His body language resembled what I Imagine a person pushing an early 1900's lawn grooming machine uphill in 100 degree heat. Finally he smiled back at me ... not a friendly and unselfish, "I will help you my dear friend" smile. Nope, it was one of those smiles your girlfriend would throw up after finding the smoking gun. That piece of evidence that proved you rotten to the core ... a no good scoundrel smile. I don’t have to help you move because the Almighty sent down from heaven a lame accuse smile. In case you are as lost as me, Bob declined my invitation to be a good person and my friend. Am I supposed to believe the jackass who lives in a bar six nights a week has plans on my move day? If you believe it I have a binge to nowheresville to tell ya ... or something like that.

Suddenly I now had empathy for Bob's better half. I was duped all these years. Bob was deserving of the verbal bashing she inflicted upon him. This lazy SOB deserved the cold soufflé word smackdown soup that she dished out nightly. Every sharpened spear she threw at him; the no good bum, she should had married his brother. Oh sorry, so you want to know his excuse for not helping? My friend of thirty years apparently had an important dinner date. His third cousin who apparently didn't realize changing your name is possible. Will you focus please! Mulva ... yes, rhymes with vagina, grow up! I spent some time with Vulva during a particularly hot August. I sold her home in Airway Heights, with no AC and ill never forget the smell. The aroma, a mixture of cat litter and Marlboro 100's still lingers in my nostrils a year later. If you have pets let me know before you sell. Nothing turns potential buyers away faster than cat piss and dog dander. I have a solution, and it works!

Ultimately, though he betrayed me, I was happy that he was branching out of his bar stool. Bob had taken up the same hobby as his wife, cheating. Mulva. Cheating. Airway Heights. Carson? ... "what are three things Bob likes." You can't make this shit up. You could say that Bob wanted to get his Serva on with the Merva. BOOM! Vanilla Ice Ice baby to the … His is Sulva with the Mulva? Screw off, you the rhyming police? I am getting lit ... Old English 800.

You see, I have known Bob for years. I remember him stalking his cousin Mulva when we were freshman at Rogers High School. I witnessed across the smoking section a french kissing session that looked more like two Zombies snacking. I thought to myself; this is illegal, gross and awesome. I was impressed. Viva la Hillyard! Fast forward, Mulva did not improve like a fine Boones farm. Hair like a 70's pornstar and to this day could be mistaken for a less feminine Alfred E. Newman though with slightly larger ears. Of course Bob was no Kirk Cameron for sure, not even close, so who am I to judge. Bob landed his Goldie Hawn while most Saturdays I am stuck watching soft core on showtime.

Do you think I sat idle while Bob was settled into a cozy life with his cousin? Oh you do? Apparently you don't know me. Bitter as ever, I contacted my old friend Karma, who is also in Real Estate. I begged, please take a vicious swing or two at Bob. Just like you do me Karma ... all the live long day. Swayed by my lack of integrity the bringer of justice when to work. Bob left his wife and her abusive mouth and took his relationship with Mulva public. It was then I realized that my evil thoughts could actually manifest into reality. Apparently like his ex, Mulva lives to express in the spoken word just how much Bob disgusts her. I LOVE IT! Karma then struck below the belt. Presently Mulva is expecting their 2nd child in as many years and I can't imagine how terrified Bob must be. I can already hear the two year old 5th cousin or son, thundering temper tantrums echoing off the walls of Wal-Mart. Glorious Karma, you went above and beyond and I applaud your craft. ** Evil laughing **

I'm really not a bad of a guy! I swear. But I am a much better Realtor than I am a writer or human. You see if Bob had said yes to me when I asked him for help chances are he would have experienced good fortune. Maybe won a couple bucks on scratch tickets, had a vasectomy or even stopped balding. In any event, my hope is that a bit of good comes out of this situation. If just one person learns to answer yes when asked to help move then Bob's suffering wasn't in vain. Oh and I did move finally with the help of my true friend Steve ... who I had to pay.

Don't be a Bob. Contact us today for all your Real Estate needs. Do not forget the 2 percent listing and $500 buyer rebate!

Fortunately, there are steps you can take to cut down on the hurly-burly of an unexpected move, no matter how busy your schedule is:


Search Smart

If you’re moving to a city or region you’re not familiar with, do your homework on the different neighborhoods before you make your final decision. To this end, you can reach out to people from that area, or else check out reviews of different restaurants and shops online. Remember though to keep your search refined to your needs and your budget. You don’t need to go down rabbit holes and waste valuable time that could be used for planning (or anything else, for that matter.) Furthermore, make sure to utilize websites that list realistic prices. Whether you’re looking for the best deal on drawing needles, or a new home, a little research can go a long way.

Repurpose and Retool

Moving on a budget can be tough. If you can’t hire professional movers, you’ll need to get creative in packaging and planning for your move. In this instance, you’ll need a little creativity. Laundry bins, old baskets, even empty beer boxes can prove efficient and cost-effective alternatives to buying expensive suitcases or backpacks. Just make sure if you use cardboard that the box is stable –– you wouldn’t want a container full of glassware to fall apart in your hands

Prioritize

You could probably stand to lose a few old gym socks, or a book about baseball statistics from 1979. But everyone has items special to them that are irreplaceable. So make sure you have a separate plan just for your valuables.

If Possible, Inspect in Person

Pictures and in-depth descriptions can only tell you so much. If at all possible, visit any prospective new home thoroughly. Going in person will alert you to the sights, sounds, and SMELLS, that photos won’t convey.

Embrace What’s New

Ultimately, a move is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself in a new location. And whether you’re moving across town or across the country, any move presents a new chance to try exciting things for the first time. Don’t lament what you’re leaving behind –– dive headfirst into what your new locale has to offer!

Author: Alex Veselits & Chans Weber



Alex Veselits | Broker, Marketing Director
Premier Agent Group with Kelly Right Real Estate
509.714.0671 | 509.489.7000 | premierteam@kellyright.com


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